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k guys. [08 May 2005|09:47pm]
it was fun, on this journal & all.
but i'm off to bigger & better things.
hrhr. but no, really.
i'm making a new journal, one that i can actually express my feelings in.
add me, if you want to.
it's going to be friends only so yea.

much love & see you soon <33
816 Beautiful Stars

[25 Apr 2005|09:58pm]
i finally realized why i want a boy so bad.
it's not cause all my friends have boys.

it's cause when i have bad nights, like tonight, i want to be able to call someone & feel better.
& i don't mean call up alyssa & cry on the phone to her, cause yea that would make me feel better, but not in the same way.

not the same as if i called him up & he made me feel like i was the only person who mattered to him. or if he has gone through exactly what i went through.

or if i could talk to him, in person & he could kiss me & hold me & make everything better. even my best friend couldn't make everything better, not the way he could.

i know who i want.
i just don't know how to get him =(.

this is how i came to the conclusion.

while i was sitting there being miserable, due to reasons i don't feel like talking about.
i imagined calling him, afterwards, crying on the phone to him & him understanding perfectly what was happening & him making me feel better. not by saying all the right things but just by being there, on the other line caring.
& i realized, i could talk to him on the phone. (hah, alyssa understands why this is a big deal)

& that just makes me want him even more =(

p.s. maybe i do miss ryan a little.
not in a gross sex kind of way, since we were never like that.
but in a friend kind of way. i miss him making faces at me into my humanities class. & i hate having to ignore him & act like he's not there.
& while we're on the subject of missing friends, jennifer too.
i mean, it's a different sort of miss. i miss her sometimes. i miss the way she used to be. i miss the way her alyssa & i got along so great before she changed. or maybe we changed, who knows. but someone changed. i know it wasn't that long ago, but i still miss it. =(.
i guess that's the price i pay for being a bitch.
816 Beautiful Stars

[25 Apr 2005|04:10pm]
i don't think he's writing me back.
that saddens me greatly.
in other news, life is good.
i miss will & kenton, but that was to be expected.
i think if he writes me back i'd be overall happy.
& if he doesnt, well i'll be bummed.
but not depressed or anything.
the nnd.

k so. [24 Apr 2005|09:22am]
will left his hat at the cast party
& so i decided to keep it. until today that is cause that would just be rude if i kept it any longer than that.
so anyway, it looked sexy. so i took pictures. haha.
hats are fun.Collapse )
846 Beautiful Stars

good lyrics <3 [23 Apr 2005|08:51am]
From "Play Crack the Sky" by Brand New
(this is the end.)
this story's old, but it goes on and on until we disappear.
(this is the calm.)
calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath.
(we are the resin)
i am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea.
(after the storm.)
i spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.
(rest here with thee,)
i know that this is what you want.
(washed up on the beach.)
a funeral keeps both of us apart.
you know that you are not alone.
i need you like water in my lungs.
(this is the end.)


"Me Vs. Maradona Vs. Elvis" by Brand New
With one or two I get used to the room
We go slow when we first make our moves
'Bout five or six bring you out to the car
Number nine with my head on the bar (in the bar)
And its sad, but true
Out of cash and I-O-U's.

I got desperate desires and unadmirable plans
My tounge will taste of gin and malicious intent
Bring you back to the bar, get you out of the cold
A sober straight face, gets you out of your clothes
And they're scared, that we know
All the crimes they'll commit
Who they'll kiss before they get home.

I will lie awake
Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say.

Barely conscious in the door where you stand
Your eyes are fighting sleep while
Your mouth makes your demands
You laugh at every word
Trying hard to be cute
I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do
And your hair smells of smoke
Who will cast the first stone?
You can't sin or spend the night all alone.

Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold,
In the shape of a heart
That they cut out of stone
You're using all your looks
That you've thrown from the start
If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart
Cause its all you can be
You're a drunk
And your scared
Its ladies night, all the girls drink for free.

I will lie awake
and lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
let you fall for every empty word I say.

I will lie awake
And lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say.

I will lie awake
And lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say.

two amazing songs by an amazing band. off to shower now, bye loves.

journal iconsss [22 Apr 2005|03:18pm]
yea so there's a bunch so yea. i didn't make any i collected them, enjoy loves. <3
P.S. if you like these, check my memories for my other icon post. behind the cut of courseCollapse )

[17 Apr 2005|09:41am]
[ mood | tired ]

um k
so this weekend was great fun.
this is going to be long i think so watch out.

i went to megan's on friday night, to spend the night & mccravey (the other megan) came too.
& you know, chelsea was there too. cause megan & chelsea are sisters after all.

& it was great fun & we had fun & uhhh i don't know what we did. we sat & talked. & called people to figure out what the plan was cause we didn't know when we were going to the mall, friday or saturday.

so anyway diego, robert, & james came over too & that was cool i guess they were sorta party poopers. not diego really cause diego is always sorta chill, but the other two were annoying. cause chels, mccravey, and i all were dancing to britney spears & "prep music" as mccravey calls it. it was fun though.

oh & i wore a tiara. i was supposed to wear it to the mall, but i forgot. until just now. =(

& then umm we layed out on the trampoline & looked at the stars. & i felt really lonely, cause i really want someone. but not so much cause mccravey & chels didn't have their boyfriends there, so it made it not as bad.

then they sorta left. & we went inside & all got ready for bed & it was maybe like 10. & we layed & talked like girls do until 11 or 11:30 & went to sleep cause we're lame-o.

then saturday i left at 9 cause i had rehersal but i went back at 1 & we hung out for awhile. the plan was, after chelsea & megan's piano recital, to go to the mall. & it was going to be chelsea, megan, and i. & since they were inviting boyfriends, they were also going to invite the guy i liked, cause he would totally get it if both of them are with their boyfriends, he'd be sorta kinda like my date in a way. plus he's super good friends with chelsea & he loves hanging out & doing stuff & it totally wouldn't seem suspicious at all. yea well that didn't work out seeing as he wasnt home or anything. but it's cool.

so we went to the recital & they were good. =) & it was thundering & shtoof outside & really windy & we didn't know it at the time but there was a tornado watch or warning which is scary cause we didn't even know it! eek! but anyway when we got out it was pretty much better.

then we went back to chels & megan's house & got ready for the mall & chels tried to get ahold of her boyfriend & luckily she finally did so we all went to the mall & diego ended up being there so we all just chilled then james showed up & it was annoying

cause everyone would be all --oooh smoochy smoochy-- & i'd be like, i'm lonely. & everyone would be all, pretend you're on a blind date with james.
heh. no.

i only like 2 guys. one i'm only going to see for 5 more days then -POOF- gone.
the other one. well chelsea is maybe going to talk to him or something. he'll be at MORP with our little group. sooo who knows what might happen.

anyway. the mall was fun. i shopped at old navy, victoria's secret (the like....perfume etc one) & anchor blue. oh & we went into american eagle. heh. i feel almost guilty. we didn't even go into pacSun. OR HOT TOPIC.
wow. i'm ashamed.

& then we saw fever pitch & it was cute i mean it's not the greatest movie but it was a cute story. plus her name is Lindsey. like me. okay it could be spelled with an A. but MAYBE NOT.

then i got home at 12. & i went to bed around 1:30. & my mom should be home in like....an hour.
wow. i can't believe i actually slept the full night my mom was gone.
i'm proud. =)

k i'm done. & i am going back to sleep. cause i'm tired. yizzo.


[13 Apr 2005|10:23pm]
okay. i'm not conceited in the least. but i am in love with my new hair. & the new eye makeup trick i discovered. it's just sexy. so i cam-whored. okay not really it's 4 pictures. but still
um. hot sex behind the cut. beware.Collapse )
826 Beautiful Stars

[12 Apr 2005|07:42pm]
[ mood | in pain ]

um hi.
i cut my hair.
i have half-bangs.
sorta. i can't explain it. but it sexy like whoa & everyone thinks it's hot so yea.
also, i dyed it red again. so it is now red & black
& it's hawt & shtoof.
i would take pictures, but i just don't want to. i'm lazy to the max.

um i got called fat today. by a guy who liked me um..4 days ago. okay that's cool. it's fun how my looks/body are the things i'm most self-concious about, and they just happen to be the thing people mention the most. *le sigh*

oh & uh i'm over that guy. well i have been, for awhile. but you know, i'm lame & i never talk about the important stuff anymore.

i like someone else now. that kinda sucks. he's in 9th grade. 9th graders don't usually dig us little 8th graders. i find that to be lame....x....core...indeed. oh & PS he has a major crush on someone already. someone i'm friends with. but you know, she doesn't like him. it's all sorta...confusing. but he's hot. or at least according to me. no one else thinks so, but i find that to be great.

um MORP is in like...18 days. that's cool. i have lots of plans. i'm getting my nails done with megan. i am going to be preppy to the 10th power. just cause, it's morp. & i am a girl after all.

um friday, i think i am staying at megan's. the plan is to watch 700708225 movies & eat all sorts of junk food. cause we're girls.

today during humaniities i was crying. it seems like i'm not good enough for anyone these days. which is cool & stuff, except it's totally not. it's sad to me. but then again i'm "emo" according to everyone, so i suppose everything is sad to me.

uhh i got a shot during 3rd. it didn't hurt much. but my arm hurts like a bitch now. i guess that's life.

today sorta sucked a fat one. i miss being friends with the guy who i used to be all "ogm hes sew hawt!!!one!!!1" over. well i don't really miss being his friend that much. i just miss certain things about it. if that makes sense.

in other news, i am doing a friends cut majigger bob. cause i don't talk to any of them anymore. except like, 2. so if you want to stay, comment. & if you do comment, i will start talking to you again.
i love the way this works. if not, i will delete you. that's cool if you want to be deleted. i don't mind (:

you have 24 hours. k well i don't know if you really have 24 hours, but you know.

-EDIT- 3 sexy pics of the haircut i gave myself. share what you think or die. (:
sexy kindaaCollapse )


SENSES FAILLL!!!! [10 Apr 2005|12:37am]
well, the night started off with alyssa's dad picking me up, and that was cool & we drove to aarons house & got him & alyssa.
& then we came back to alyssa's house & that was cool we chilled a little then we left FOR THE CONCERTTTTTTTT

& on the way we rocked out to senses fail because senses fail is the best & stuff. & you know then we got there & stood in line for 45 minutes or so.
& that was cool & then we finally got in & aaron bought a couple shirts & i bought alyssa & I both shirts so that was cool then we found seats & stuff.
& then we waited for like 30 minutes & finally SOMEDAY came on! & they are this kickass local band which rocks hardcore & everyone should check them out at somedaymusic.com because they are awesome!!! THEY ARE SO GOOD. seriously they were the best opening act.
& then, a change of pace came on & they were good but not as good. the one guitarist was testing the mics & he said "check one two" & i said "check you're ugly" & the guy in front of me started laughing cause i'm just that cool. it sounds dumb but it was good.
anyway a change of pace was good & then emanuel came on & they were good too but someday was still the best & i hope they get signed soon caue they just rock so much! gosh i can't stop talking about them. tell all your friends about someday.

anyway, then senses fail came on. & you know, nothing compares to that. i can't even explain the way i felt i screamed & cried & HEAD FUCKING BANGED all at once & it was just so amazing i just....died. & buddy is fucking amazing.
&& then he said it was their last song & they played martini kiss but then they came back & played 187 YAY cause you know 187 fucking rocks!

sooo then after the show we went out & met dave & garret i think but i don't know, it could've been mike i'm not for sure & buddy & that rocked i HUGGED BUDDY! omgosh. i wanted to me garret & umm....that other dude =X too, but you know we didn't know when they were coming out & shtoof. so anyway, buddy hugged me! & he signed my shoe &&& my ticket & dan & mike signed my ticket too. YAY. i cried when buddy hugged me. i said thank you, for the hug. i'm such a nerd. BUT GEEZ, IT'S BUDDY. oh yea, the guy from someday hugged me too. he's so cool. that was so cool. oh yea & the drummer dude from nunchuck, ryan, he was there. and i talked to him for a sec. he seems nice & shtoof.

anywho, the way home was all emotional i wanted to scream (out of happiness) & cry (out of happiness) at the same time, but i didn't. i just sat there.

soooo now i am back here & the night was so amazing i can't even explain it but i am going to go to bed now much love bye <3
836 Beautiful Stars

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